...until my children get up.
And it is at this point that I realize, unless I am up early enough to have a hot cup of coffee (undisturbed, fully drank) and have at least 30 minutes of quiet, allowing me to in fact, wake up, I don't care much for the morning. As I start to understand how I could have gone from loving the morning to dreading it, I realize, it's not the morning that changed, it's the people in it...
And then I think, this isn't very fair of me... how can I possibly be upset when I have three 7-year-old children happily singing, "Row, Row Row Your Boat" with an enthusiastic YA!! at the end of it over and over? They are happy, right? They are safe, they are healthy... The clarity in their voices with each "YA!" coupled with the marching (or should I say stomping?) up and down the hardwood-floored hallway (why didn't I carpet the entire house?) reinforces their amazing energy and spirits, right? I should embrace these times... I should drink my now stale, cold coffee as I lean against the wall and smile. That's how it is in the movies...
Of course, if my life were a movie, I would wake up looking extremely beautiful without a painful blemish on my chin. My eyes wouldn't be THIS swollen and I wouldn't be trying to figure out if my stomach was bloated or if I really have gained 3 pounds from drinking those Stewarts Iced Coffees with that extra scoop of ice cream in it. No... if I were a movie, or better yet, a yoga book, I would float from my bed into the magical day with no expectations, just a plain awareness of all that is wonderful...
If only it were that easy.
And I am a yoga teacher.
I practice yoga, I try to live a yogic life, but let me tell you this: I am grateful for my days, and I adore my children, but God help them (and me) if they sing that song one more time, because by now, they are singing in some strange accented tone, mixed with screams and laughter... I can't get a word in to suggest quieting down. They want to "Give me a show," but what I need is for them to brush their teeth, come get their hair done, get their shoes on and go out for the bus!
My feet hurt, they have been stepped on at least three times by the poor dog, who is so stressed out, so confused by which way he should go in our small house. I have had to go to the bathroom for the last 20 minutes but can't because I'm making lunches, breakfasts and trying to manage three bodies into action (getting dressed and eating..) At this point I am mindfully breathing just so I don't have an accident! Since I don't have the proper time to self-loath over my weight or worry about puffy eyes and acne, it sits in the back of my mind...
So when the sweet face of my daughter says, "Mommy, ready for our show, are you so excited?" I say flatly, "No... I'm not excited at all, it's actually a really annoying song. Will you go brush your teeth?"
Nice one, Mom.. way to encourage! All my crap exposed. My crankiness, my insecurities, my lack of patience all exposed.
And so... finally I see the golden light (actually School-Bus yellow) and they are kissing me and running off to begin another journey and I can come back, to the quiet. To the stillness.
And as I write to you -- I consider that my morning is much like a yoga class. It starts with a few quiet breaths... and if I don't set my intention right away, my lower qualities will take over because I will move into dynamic action where my edge and comfort zone are definitely tested/pushed and I will need my intention to help ground me, remind me... And as hard or crazy as all the action/movement is, it ends with the same quiet it began with...giving me another chance to set my intention as I move forth into my own next journey.
Thank God for that.
Namaste, my friends